I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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