My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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