the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Drunk is not a location!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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