i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
