I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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