i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
