My first STD was from a foam party
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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