her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
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