OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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