i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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