Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
