You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
