And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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