At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
