I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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