Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
