A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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