How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
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I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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