You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
