I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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