Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
