that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
