I can text with my tongue
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
