Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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