my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
