Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
