Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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