i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
