Banned from zoo.
Again?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
