Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
