my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
