I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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