Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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