someone get that fucking seahorse.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
