Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize