Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
