I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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