I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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