wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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