You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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