Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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