don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
