i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
