just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i out mim tonsoeep
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