Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
