So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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