update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
