we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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