I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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