Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
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I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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