I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
