HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
