Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just invented taco cereal.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
