took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Watching her eat just hurts me
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
