I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
