I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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