I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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