I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
