So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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