I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
