Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
