i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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