I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
