we're chasing vodka with high fives
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
