Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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