i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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