"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
