you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
